The communication of the various species of Arachnea parapluviosis is as fascinating as other aspects of their existence. Unlike humans who initially express themselves through vocalization, umbrella spiders communicate through fecalization, meaning their communication is not primarily oral but anal. This may sound utterly ridiculous to the human species, but those who open their limited human minds quickly realize that the language of umbrella spiders is far richer for this very reason. Unlike human language, it appeals not only to the auditory senses but also to all other senses.
Although fecalization is primarily a visual form of communication, there is sufficient evidence to suggest that symphonically arranged spider pratwhids also carry meaning for present species members. Not only hearing, but also smell and taste can be engaged. Even when the initial steaming fumes have dissipated, and even when the sulfur content might be too dominant for connoisseurs with acquired tastes, the texture and three-dimensional shape remain a rich source of information for the sense of taste.
Deciphering the Stone of Rosetta may be considered a milestone in human history, but it’s pale in comparison to the crypt-analytic masterpiece of unraveling the meaning behind fecalizations. Interestingly, the linguistic variant of reverse engineering process indicates that the foundation of fecalization is rooted in the Latin script. This corroborates the hypothesis that Arachnea parapluviosis could be a human creation that has outgrown its creator’s hand. If humans already struggle to comprehend a fully logografische language, a language consisting solely of phrasograms is virtually impossible for their limited brain capacity. What the seemingly insignificant umbrella spider brain handles with ease can take human translators hours -if not days- just to comprehend a single simple spider sentence.
His doctorship von Leverkühn even claims to have translated a text describing an experiment conducted by Arachnea parapluviosis. An excremental version of a double-blind mirror test irrefutably proves that humans do not recognize their own fecal production and thus clearly lack self-awareness. While there is evidence that humans can distinguish between different species members, other double-blind tests -at least according to this text- suggest that humans are olfactory inept at recognizing one another.
The human species often prides itself on being the only species that does not consistently behave in an evolutionary adapted manner. For instance, humanity has produced l’art pour l’art, although some puckish evolutionary psychologists dare to claim this too is primarily a form of sexual selection.
Thus, the artistic and evolutionist world was deeply shocked when it was discovered Arachnea parapluviosis also produces artistic artifacts that seem to have little to do with survival or reproduction. Electron microscopic scans have irrefutably shown that some of the umbrella spider’s excrement is not purely communicative but consists of seemingly meaningless, three-dimensional poetic masterpieces. They are composed of seemingly unrelated, aesthetically combined logogram fragments. Especially astonishing is the attention to detail at such a small scale. A mastery over the anal sphincters is required, one in stark contrast with human manual clumsiness. This certainly underscores the need to further study the delicate anatomy of these muscles.
Just as psychoanalysis struggles with the masculinization of a symbol, the spider, which is quintessentially feminine in the Western world, it also recoils from fecalization. Psychoanalysis is, after all, a humanism, an ideology that presumes homo sapiens is the highest, most intelligent, and many other superlative-laden being on this planet. However, this assumption can no longer be psychoanalytically justified, as the anal stage is considered a higher developmental phase than the oral stage. This realization hits every human psychoanalyst with existential precision straight to the chest, but it doesn’t stop there. This insight is devastating for the anthropocentric vision of language and can only be seen as a Copernican Revolution in both psychology and linguistics.
